Dude, I just saw a bird vs. squirrel fight. A car won.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Randomize
