i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
