Hey man sorry I got all grabby
haha my mom just sent us out to go to all of the hair cutting places to ask for hair because deer ate all our zuchini.. and we have to pee in a bucket all day cause deer hate urine. please tell me we are normal?
i cant lie to you.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
