We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
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