She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
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