Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We just had a 30 min argument on the actual birth date of Jesus, it ended in my brother and ain't cursing each other and an 8 yr old answering it by using Siri.
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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