I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Panties = found
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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