Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
Ummm. I just wanna say this now: Don't let me invite the band back to the apartment to see my stripper pole.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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