He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Remind me to switch to jello when you decide to do shots off my ass. It's so much easier to clean than this pudding.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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