Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
