he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
