i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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