As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Randomize