It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
Wearing the BK Crown on the throne while dropping the kids off at the pool? Yes, one of my life's goals. Win
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
he came in the room wearing gloves & rapping while eating a corndog
knight in shining armor
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I'm going to use this quarantine time to improve my blowjob skills.
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