Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
That's the last time I try to be adventurous at a gas station
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
Randomize
