Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
part of me always dies a little when i go to the "2 women seeking 1 man" section in craigslist's casual encounters to find nothing there. it's tragic
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
We should give each other good-luck-on-your-finals head in the morning.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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