I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Randomize
