No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
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