I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
He's a doctor now.. hope he can cure his small dick
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
