Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Randomize
