she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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