I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
We are all done wearing pants today
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
