During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
