We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
Best part? I know that the likelyhood of this turning into an intimate relationship is like 4.25%
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
