This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
I need water and some morals
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Randomize
