I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
you are hot. that is all.
who is this?
the delivery driver from silvermine.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
