So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Well, if it's rabies, your lips will swell just prior to the frothing. Get a lot of good pics!
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
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