sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
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