Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
