tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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