I'm laying in your front yard are you home
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
he ruins everything I try to do including his roommates
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
