I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I just googled if crying burns calories
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
