Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I need a burrito and a hug.
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
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