Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
