I don't remember. Are we still dating?
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
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