I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Don't remember our skype call last night too well, but did I pee while skyping you?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Randomize
