i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
