I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
I kind of learned that hotels are unnecessary. Boys will just take you home, but that's tough with a group. I believe in us, though.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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