Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
You whispered 'For Frodo', handed me your shirt, and charged campus security.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize