Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
WHY IS MY CAR MISSING A DOOR YOU BITCH
budget cuts
YOU CANT BLAME EVERYTHING YOU DO WHILE DRUNK ON BUDGET CUTS
budget cuts are serious business
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
You drunk-dialed me and asked me to describe my burrito
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
