Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
