grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
My ass is underappreciated
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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