Having a random hookup so left but love u
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
i just want a position where we can lock up like some sort of sexual megatron and go the whole night that way
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
I'm bleeding and have questions
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
