I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
