I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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