Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
the day after is always just damage control
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
