Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
I got paid to fuck my boss for lunch. My job is better than yours.
Randomize
