I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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