I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
i just had sex bonerless
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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