Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
Just witnessed a circumcision at clinical. i suddenly feel a sense of reconciliation over every guy who's done me dirty...
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm just crazy horny about you
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
