I've decided to bang my pen-pal.
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
