First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
