You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
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