I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
