nothing as in nothinggggg kills the mood for me is when a girl with 4 cm nipple hair
Just threw up my room service breakfast with my fake eyelashes and pearls still on.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
Randomize
