my phone needs a breathalizer
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Just had the best random sex ever with a girl I picked up from a pro choice rally uptown. God bless the Democratic National Convention.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Sorry about my life...
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Last night was great... In the "I got videotaped making out and getting a handjob on the couch in front of 100 people." kinda way.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
