good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Randomize
