I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
