He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
Randomize
