Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We're in a hurricane and you send me a video of you playing with your dick while driving! You wanna die?!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Thanks for the hospitality last night.
You mean sex?
Yes....hospitality.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
