Don't EVER smell your tampon
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
i out mim tonsoeep
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