How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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