I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
