MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
