i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
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