WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Floor bacon is actually really good
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
Randomize
