hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
2:23 am. Im just at McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, paying in nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
2:26 am. Im just being thrown out of McDonalds, in my pajamas, at 2 am, without my nickles, cuz thats how i roll.
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
Went and sat in the wrong fucking class for 30 mins, answering questions and shit. What ever this is i will be on it for the rest of the semester.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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