There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
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