no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Just found the measuring tape in my bathroom. How drunk could I have possibly been on Saturday?!
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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