Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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