Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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