I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
Please don't use social media to get back at me.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
I deleted all traces of him from my phone
even the dick picks he sent you?
no are you nuts? saved that shit to my camera roll
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
Randomize
