Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
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