if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I was in the bathroom throwing up...when I walked out he was sitting there watching porn and jacking off. He said, "Sounded like you were gonna be in there for a while."
either way he was missing a nipple.
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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