I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You fed me milk from the beer bong because you thought it would "Sober you up" .
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
